well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
