i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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