I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How naked do you want me to be?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
