how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
