So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The air was thick with penises
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
