Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
