I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
