five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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