I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
