im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
