I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
