I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
