She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
