he thought i was a dude.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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