Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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