Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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