there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just cropdusted the office
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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