I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
