Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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