YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She needs sedatives and a leash
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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