But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
