dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I puked a lego.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
