I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
