he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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