no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
this is an emotional support booty call
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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