my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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