So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize