Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
