chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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