Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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