Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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