Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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