you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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