Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
