I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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