so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
