She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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