Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Randomize
