The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
