Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
