Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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