lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
