He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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