i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
