Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
