Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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