and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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