i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
