and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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