I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
