What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
