My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
