The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
