Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
