woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
