For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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