I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
