Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
