I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
