I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
