think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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