question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
