better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
