my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize