He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
