I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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