Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
