I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
