I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
