sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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