that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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