i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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