whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
