she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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