the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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