Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was like eating out sand paper
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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