do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
