Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
