this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
